Recently, an unsavory group of individuals made a wide-reaching proclamation for the rest of the country without consulting anyone. These unhappy food industry workers declared that bacon is over. These so-called experts say Americans satiated their appetite for bacon and the country has had enough. And as if that weren’t enough, they point to the recent 40 million pound pork belly surplus as all the proof they need. To that, we say, hogwash!
Bring Home the Bacon
There has been a rash of African swine fever in China, which reduced the pig population and created shortages. The Chinese are suffering through a horrible pork shortage similar to the one America endured in 2013. Those alive for this misfortune will remember these very dark days. Due to America’s surplus and China’s deficits, pork exports to China are hitting all-time highs. However, as a result of the rise in exports, pig enthusiasts issued a warning of their own. They say this increase in exports could create a shortage of bacon in 2020.
Don’t Go Bacon Our Heart
So, which is it then? Do we have a surplus or a shortage? We say focus on the positive—as of now there is a bacon surplus in America, so we should enjoy it while we can. Plus, supply and demand tells us that pork prices will be at an all-time low. Now put all this information together—there’s an excess of bacon, plus, it’s all super cheap! An excess of cheap bacon is the answer to every red-blooded American’s prayers.
Celebrate this new-found wealth in the most American way possible. Gather up the boys and a few cases of beer, and go fry up an irresponsible amount of bacon. Make a whole spectacle out of it—bust out your USA flag jersey, the stars and stripes shorts, cowboy hat, and your favorite koozie. Then crank up the drinking music and eat some damn bacon! You don’t do this for yourself, you do it for America and the small hog farmer trying to feed his family. You do it if for all the people around the world that wish they had bacon to eat. It is an affront to them to let your surplus of bacon spoil and go uneaten. Your duty as an American patriot is clear—start eating more bacon.